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Heart: Shut The Hell Up!

Do you believe in love at first sight? I didn’t…don’t… not quite sure if I do. I believe that people imprint on each other like a werewolf from Twilight. Not in a “one look and you are bound to this person forever” kind of way, but at the sight of someone your heart has already decided that you are going to take their crap. More so than you did any of your past or even future exes. And when you’ve finally had enough of it you go your separate ways just to later realize that you miss their shit.

I have no clue why this is and quite frankly I’ve realized that it would NEVER work. Actually, I cringe at the thought of being back where we were — A downward spiral of hurt and drama. Yet here I am doodling your name, looking into space, wondering “what if.”

What if you tried to understand. What if I listened more. What if you weren’t so controlling. What if I wasn’t so spiteful. What if we didn’t have these petty arguments.

Could things have been different? We laugh about it now, reminding ourselves how childish we used to be and convince each other that we are so much different. Are we really different or will our reunion only bring back the people we’ve worked so hard to suppress?

Is this flutter in my heart a fluke? Must be. I don’t want this. I don’t want you.

“My Mind Is Telling Me No!….” You know the rest.

We are friends. I like it this way. It WORKS this way. I think if I keep repeating that to myself my heart will quit nagging me about these “possibilities.”

One thing that my mind and heart agree on — You are about to propose to her. I hope she says yes and ya’ll live happily ever after. Him and me are about to move in together, I’m excited for this new level in our relationship. But every time I talk to you and every time we depart, when you say and when I say I Love You…. We still mean it.

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